my body is a blank canvas every morning until the sun rises.

i lay here bare wondering why me. why i. why was i picked for this life for this destiny. is life worth the pain and pleasure. is life worth it for the love and the hate. is it worth to spend your spare moments on hating others. no. life is to fast the

clocks ticks and we all have a dying day we wont know. well most dont know. i dont want to know. who would. what keeps this ball of energy going? what what keeps this ball of energy in bed all day? Why do I spell words wrong? why is my body love pain? do you ever ask yourself these questions about who you really are. sometimes i glance in the mirror and think is that really kirsten is this me. yes it is what are you thinking do we really see our reflection the way others do or are we fatter or skinnier are we taller or shorter are we smarter than we think are we younger or older than we think. i dont crave chocolate anymore its amazing its a amazing thing to not crave sugar i feel healtier and stronger because of it. i just stared eating my swedish candy car non stop marblalo and stopped and toke a step back and asked why i dont even fee like it. i dont even need it i am not hungry i dont want sugar. it use to give me a high haha sugar gave me a high so i loved it. i chesrished it as a child because my parents didnt allow me to eat it. i would spend all my savins for the weeks all 3 dollars at the cornor store down in corvallis biking there to buy stickers out of a machine and my reeses. i was never a fat kid though. you would think so hearing my bad habits. i thought for a while i was fat though so i went on a diet at the age of i dont know 4th grade and would eat a half PB&J for lunch and that was all. i miss my swedish family i miss my mexican famfily. i miss my old friends ive lost. i miss my new friends ive made. i miss you all. i miss what i cant have i miss what i want and desire. i want a cinderella dress so bad something i never got as a child.